After many years of excuses, and spurred on by a post on UKC, we finally decided to take a trip to Stoney Middleton, a big trad limestone crag in the Peak District. Once one of the most popular crags in the area, changing fashions and a reputation for polished rock, mean that hardly anyone climbs there these days. But go over the road to the bolted choss that is Horseshoe Quarry and you'll be queueing for routes…
Anyway, inspired by the tales of horrible polish, Carmen made straight for Parachute (VS 4b), described in the guidebook as possibly the most polished route at the crag, presumably on the basis that after this everything else would seem OK. In the event it wasn't actually that bad compared with somewhere like Twistleton, and Carmen was soon at the top (after a teeny weeny rest to examine her reflection in the holds). As we were finishing the route, one of the only 2 other parties at the crag that day arrived. We thought they were climbing nearby until they turned on their head torches and disappeared down a hole in the ground.
Onwards to the Triglyph, three "unmistakable" crack climbs. I started with the nicest looking line, a narrow chimney/offwidth which luckily soon narrowed further to become a jamming crack. This was "How the Hell", VS 4b, and seemed quite hard for the grade, but great fun. We then moved on to the adjacent route, Morning Crack, Severe. Carmen had a go first, found it surprisingly tricky, and duly backed off. I took over, found it surprisingly tricky, and even more surprisingly unprotected, but eventually made it to the top. VS 4b we reckoned. Both routes turned out to contain active jackdaw nests, luckily other than a bit of squawking these birds are largely unbothered by climbers.
A bit more wandering round (aka faffing) deciding what if anything to climb next. Met the 2nd other party at the crag – a bloke top-roping a vegetated VDiff with his 2-year-old son. Was tempted by a VS jamming crack but wary of getting out of our depth after the last 2 routes we decided to go home instead. We also wanted to be up bright and early the next day for some more climbing, taking advantage of the forecast sunshine.
At 7.30 the next morning it was pissing down, and didn't stop until about 3. So we went orienteering instead and got soaked, ideal preparation for next weekend's LAMM!
Footnote. After a bit of discussion on UKC, it turned out that the topo in the Rockfax Stoney Middleton guidebook is wrong, and the routes we actually did were What the Hell (VS 4c) and How the Hell (VS 4b – no wonder it felt hard and scary for a severe!).
